A Mother Comforts an Adult Child through Grief and Loss

Post Mother's Day Thoughts on Parenting

As a mother and step-mother of children ranging from late 20’s to early 40’s, I have experienced how the mother/child relationship changes and evolves with time.  With each passing year, my motherly instruction and guidance have evolved into insight and encouragement.  I am blessed to have a friendship and intimate bond with each of my children, forged from events and memories, both endearing and painful, but nevertheless meaningful to our relationships.

A Mother’s Heartache

It is often said that a mother’s heart breaks when one of her children is hurting, and I have found this doesn’t lessen when that child is an adult.  I can feel their hurt as if it were my own.  Sometimes I feel helpless and inadequate as I witness their struggle to come to grips with some of the ugly in adult life.  One of the biggest challenges is squashing down my own pain at seeing my child hurting so I can be fully present for his or her healing. 

However, none of my other experiences at comforting a hurting child prepared me for the loss from a miscarriage.  The voice on the phone spoke the word “miscarriage,” and I immediately felt such a sense of loss and heartache.  It was as if all the breath had left my lungs, and I literally had to remind myself to breathe – and not scream. 

Knowing I had to be fully present for the one still on the phone looking for comfort and answers helped me to pull it together to bring myself back into the moment and realize my sense of loss paled in comparison to what this child was now experiencing. 

So we cried.  Long silences while each of us listened to the others’ sobs.  I remember at the time feeling so inadequate as I struggled for words of comfort that wouldn’t come.  I now realize the Divine wisdom in those first raw moments of receiving the news and grieving together.  Sometimes, there are no words.  Sometimes, we just need to be comfortable in the presence of pure grief and know that the person seeking comfort is finding just that through your own sense of loss. 

The next few days were filled with more crying, praying, and doctors’ visits. 

But few answers as to why. 

We’ll never know why. 

But we do know for a while there was a heartbeat, and there was one who was alive but then couldn’t stay here.

Miscarriage is so common, but this experience has taught me that it never feels “common” to those grieving the loss.  For me, I lost grandchild #9 that day, and I often find myself missing what could have been.  When my heart aches from the loss, I say a prayer for the one who left us and for those of us left to try to understand what God only knows. 

What I do know is that I will continue to ask for Divine strength and wisdom to be the best mother and grandmother I can be to a family moving through life with God’s presence permeating the cracks and wounds so love and healing can be the solid foundation on which we stand.
#Miscarriage #Family #Parenting #Loss #Loving #God